Grandpa Wolff

I was just on Facebook and reminded by my two cousins that 9 years ago today my Grandpa Wolff passed away. I'm not sure why I have a hard time remembering the day (I remember the anniversary of my Grandma's passing). He died on Valentine's Day, 2003. Cayden was 2 weeks old. My grandpa had lost a short struggle with prostate cancer. He refused treatment and I can't blame him but it was extremely difficult to know that the last weeks of his life were filled with pain and confusion. I am glad that my mom and uncles were with him but can't imagine how that must haunt them. I miss my grandpa. He was important to me. It is difficult to think about trying to explain how important he was to me...

My grandparents lived in Illinois. They were farmers. I had the priviledge of spending my summers in Illinois ( I still hate the humidity though, that was not the part that was priviledge) with my grandparents and a whole bunch of extended family. They lived in an old farm house with out-buildings and cows and pigs and chickens and electric fence (talk about learning experiences). In every memory I have of those summers I see my grandpa. He was gruff and tender. He was patient and persistent. He was funny and serious. He watched Tom and Jerry and Johnny Carson and hated the news. I loved to stay up late and listen to him laugh at Johnny Carson. He hated politicians and loved to listen to Johnny Carson make fun of them.

For many of the years I stayed with them they lived in an old farm house. I loved and hated that farm house. The stairs creaked and the basement was scary but I loved the front porch and the windows and that old room upstairs that had a door that was always closed. The attic was amazing (and hot). I often think about buying that old house and just sitting in all the places I used to love. My aunt and uncle lived in it after my grandparents moved a mile down the road so I had lots of time with that farm house. Eventually they moved into a smaller place down the road and I loved that too.

My grandpa wore overalls. Lots of overalls. He wore boots (and called the mud boots "rubbers"). He drove a tractor. He taught me how to drive a tractor (he might have been crazy). He paid me to dig up milkweed even though I didn't do a lot of digging. I did a lot of giggling instead. He used to wake me up early to feed cows. He used to let me stay out late with my first summer love. He taught me how to drive an old Ford "3 on the Tree". He obviously was a brave, brave, man. He made cat fences for me because I was worried about the "farm cats" running away. He took "farm cats" to the vet and paid money to get them shots and medicine. He must have had a heart of gold and I can't imagine what he was thinking when he watched that money go down the drain. One time he bought donkeys and a wagon because he thought his grandkids would like it. I remember how sore my butt was from getting bucked off a donkey. Up to that point I had no idea that people really said "you have to get back in the saddle again". Yep, 3 times I took that advice. I love you grandpa but that donkey was MEAN.

I love thinking of my grandpa pulling in the driveway at noon and taking a little snooze right there in his truck with the door open or napping in his chair with the newspaper over his face. He would sit out in the glider and swat at flies before he came in the house. He loved dessert. He loved to eat tomatoes with salt and radishes with salt. He loved Raisin Bran (gross). He would help people who got stuck in the ditch at anytime of night. He wouldn't let anyone else pay the bill at a restaurant. Oh Grandpa...

I am stuck trying to explain my heart when it comes to this man and I find it difficult. He was there at my high school graduation. He was there at my college graduation. He was there at my wedding. He. Was. Just. There. All. The. Time.

The picture above is my very favorite of my grandpa. He is holding my cousin Jonathon in the corner of the kitchen of the old farmhouse. He and Jonathon would grow to be quite close. This picture shows my grandpa with the tender side. I wish, wish, wish, that my kids could have known him in person. I wanted Bryce to carry something of my grandpa so his name is Bryce Wolff Lowenbach. I hope that his legacy carries on. I miss you Grandpa. I love you Grandpa.